Today I was thinking about how often we are in waiting mode…unsure, and unable to live in the moment. Some of this is triggered by the fact that my husband and I have a very good friend who is dying. He is our age and has cancer. My thoughts were also given impetus when reading someone else’s post on Facebook regarding the use of their gifts. I started wondering why we always seem to be focused on someday instead of now. I am guilty of waiting, as well. I think, however, that the reality is that what we have is the past, however, we cannot change that. We have no guarantees regarding our personal life or how long we will live. We do have the assurance of a future in heaven if we are trusting in Christ, but no promise that we live a certain number of years on this earth. We really must live in the hear and now, with a plan for the future and a trust that God is good.
I think I have spent much of my life waiting for someone to see the potential for greatness that I have. When I was younger, I hoped some producer would see me and realize that I would be perfect for some leading role in a movie or television. I have hoped that someone would see other abilities I have and want to put them to use. I am rather creative, funny, nice, caring, encouraging, and can often fly by the seat of my pants without getting upset when things do not go as planned. On top of that, I am quite perceptive and intuitive and see myself as fairly intelligent. Surely, someone else sees this. Shouldn’t I be able to become famous. I could write the newest best-selling novel. Or maybe someone would realize that I would be a great speaker and recruit me to speak at their next event. My life is pretty interesting and I have learned a lot of hard lessons. I have a lot to share…if just someone would see my potential.
Recently, however, I was blessed by rejection. A position had opened up at church that I deeply desired. I felt I was highly qualified and would be able to do a good job. It did require some administrative abilities, which is not my strong suit but felt I could more than make up for it with enthusiasm and vision. I prayed and asked others to pray for God’s will to be done. My heart was truly wanting what was best for the church in this position. I wrote out what my qualifications were and went to an interview. I did not get the job. Oddly, this gave me great joy because I realized something.
Too often we want someone else to affirm our worth. God has already shown our value. Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection demonstrated his great love for us. He has called me to himself and put his Holy Spirit in me. I am a member of the body of Christ and I already have great value. I don’t need to have someone prove this to me! I do not need to have a title or certain job position to be used by God. I only need to be myself and love and serve those I meet day to day and to continue to grow closer to Jesus as I follow Him. Such freedom and joy came with this realization. I can live in the moment, knowing God uses me. I do not have to wait for someday or something!